Starting a new job is allowed to feel hard

The workplace is an extremely social setting. A new job means new people, new norms, and new relationships. Oh, also it requires you to apply that layer of deeply complicated, professional protocol. Plus we slap the consequences of our financial security over the top. It’s a mess.

Whether we like it or not, work is important. It is a good thought to remind ourselves that we shouldn’t take it too seriously, but it is often easier said than done.

Compared to many pursuits, we often spend an inordinate amount of time working. We often end up making friends and meaningful connections at work. You might find yourself invested in the things you achieve professionally, and end up deriving a sense of purpose from it. You’re there most of the time, it’s not strange to get a little attached. ¹

Our ability to provide financial security for ourselves and our family hangs in the balance of stability at work. Your competence and personal reliability are only a handful of factors that go into that stability. Many are entirely out of your control.

So starting a new job throws all that framework out the window. It might leave you feeling unsure, daunted, and a little vulnerable.

I recently started a new job. I wanted to jot down the advice I would give to someone else, in the hope that I might be able to take some of it onboard for myself. ²

You gotta lean in

Bridging a gap and making new connections is difficult for almost everyone, not just you. Practice some reciprocity and extend to others the things that you would appreciate and would help put you at ease. It might be smiling, or just saying hello. Crack a joke or laugh at one shared with you. Ask a new teammate about their weekend, or see if anyone wants to grab lunch. Tell someone you like their shoes or their jacket.

“Hey, I was going to grab a coffee, would you like to join me?”

And most importantly: if someone makes you feel like shit for making that effort then that’s on them, not you. Tearing something down is always easier than building something up. ³

Your fresh perspective is valuable, and temporary

When you are still settling into a new work context, you haven’t onboarded any of the learned pain or cultural inertia associated with how things are. You don’t know the answers that others are expecting you to give, so you are able to provide your unfiltered perspective. ⁴

Avoid casting about for the answer you should give in the context of your new organisation and take the opportunity to give your answer – it won’t be long until you are inevitably and unconsciously biased by your environment again.

Take the time given to you to onboard

In all likelihood you will be very busy, very soon. There is no need to accelerate it by gobbling up the immediate responsibilities that you identify that you can do.

Cherish the space that is given to you to onboard. It is your best opportunity to absorb a wider view of the organisation than you are likely to get working day-to-day in your role.

The time available to get bogged down, blinkered, and “productive” is plentiful, while the time available to build context, investigate, and explore is limited.

Not knowing can be a superpower

It’s not uncommon to place a lot of value on the things we know. On the things we can do because we’re intimately familiar.

But there is a set of skills that we can best apply when we don’t know, and the early days of a new job are an excellent time to practice them.

Sharpen up those skills in investigation. Can you ask the right questions to sift through a new organisation, or a new codebase, to get the info you need?

If you’re a manager or a technical leader, can you offer a useful coaching session to someone on your team without knowing the right answer?

Great leadership (personal, thought, managerial, or technical) is frequently about knowing the right questions, not the right answers.

Find comfort in the discomfort

The way you react to being sort of useless and helpless in those early days of a new job can teach you a lot about yourself.

What feelings come up for you? Do you feel unsafe or vulnerable? Do you feel a sense of guilt that you need to lean on your new teammates? Does it trigger imposter syndrome for you? Why is it so important to you that you have an answer, or that you absolutely need to feel justifiably productive?

What instincts do you find you are inclined towards? Do you ask for help when you should or do you shy away from it?

Share the love

There will be people that ease the uncertainty for you and make you feel welcome. Gratitude is a powerful gift and it costs nothing. Let the people that made a difference know – most people want to feel helpful.

There is real opportunity for connection in navigating those difficult, vulnerable moments together.

“Hey, I was a bit lost this morning, it helped a lot that you stopped to offer me directions!”

“Thanks for taking the time to show me how that worked!”

“I really appreciate the lunch invite today. I don’t know many people yet so it’s great to make some more connections!”